BLAH!

I was going to blog all about my situation with Terrance tonight. Tell you all about how much shit we've been going through and how hurt I am and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. Yeah...I sound like a broken record when it comes to him. There are things much more serious going on in my life right now. So this will be about those things. I'm not saying what happened with him and I isn't important but at the moment there are other things I need to concentrate on first. So I'll leave the situation with Terrance and I at....I love him and care for him deeply and he'll always be one of my best friends but I just can't continue to be hurt by him. I have to let go. I'm hoping someday he'll understand and see just how much I cared but there's nothing more I can do. He told me my problem was I always try to control things I will never have control of. Well....I don't have control of this and never will so I'm letting it go.

On to something else. I found out last night Nick's tumor has grown to the size of a golf ball now. For those of you unaware, he has a tumor in his brain at the moment. He also has one on his lung and a few back in his leg. He's already had 15 or so cut out of his thigh and now there is more. He will be having surgery this coming Thursday on his brain. They are going to attempt to remove the tumor. I'm trying to stay sane and be there for my mom but to tell you the truth I'm so close to breaking down. I don't know what to say. I'm suppose to be her comic relief but I'm not feeling very funny at the moment. Its finally hitting me just how serious this is. He's not going to be around next year. As much as I pray about it I have to start being realistic again. I need to cherish the time I have with him now but I just can't seem to keep the "happy face" going when I'm around him. The whole thing scares the shit out of me. I don't know how my mom is going to get through this and sometimes I feel guilty for being more worried about her than him. I love him so much but yeah...she's the one I'm more worried about. He's strong and though I know she is too, I still wonder how she'll pull through this. He's her other half and I can't see her functioning without him. He's changed my family so much. Going through this whole thing with him has really opened up my eyes. I now know just how important family is and I hope I never lose site of that again.
I could go on and on about this but its late and I need to be able to get up for work tomorrow. I just needed to get that out real quick. More tomorrow.