Philly

Mmmmk so Candice finally found out once again that Sam and I were talking. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later because he wasn't doing a very good job of covering his tracks. He stopped calling me private and then didn't delete my text messages. Anyways....now the crazy female has taken it to the extreme and deleted his myspace & blackplanet. And possibly turned off his phone. Still not sure if she had it disconnected or if he just hasn't paid his bill. Either way she's really trying to push him into not speaking to me. It's actually kinda sad. She thinks by monitoring everything that its going to make him stop. I feel sorry for her because that's not going to do anything. He's Sam and he'll always be Sam. Getting married, changing his email and websites, turning off his phone....none of these things will fix their situation. She has to learn to trust him without giving him all of these limitations. I tried explaining that to Sam but he's so scared of losing her that he just follows whatever rules she gives him. The worst part about it. She's only doing this b/c I truly believe she's intimidated by me. Don't think I'm being cocky, when I say that. I mean b/c she thinks that if I stay in Sam's life he'll end up getting back with me and that's so not the case. Him and I are friends and will always be just friends. Sure we had our moments but with him gone and watching what all he's put her through well....I don't want to end up like her. So as much as I love him, a friendship is all I look for from him. The only problem....getting her to realize it. Through everything I'm kinda numb when it comes to my feelings about her. One minute I feel bad for her having to go through everything and the next I can't stand her because I feel like through all of our drama and the whole situation she used me. I didn't feel this way until the day she told me I could no longer speak to Sam. I was like, "What the fuck?" This is the same woman who told me she appreciated everything I did for Sam and for all the "truths" I gave her about the situation. She knew Sam and I were good friends and I thought that would be enough to ease her own insecurities but I was wrong. Now I'm stuck in the position of deciding whether to leave Sam alone or not. I mean him and I haven't talked in two weeks so I guess a normal person would think there is no decision to be made. But, you don't know Sam. I know he will end up contacting me sooner or later and we'll be right back to how we were just a few weeks ago. Talking daily and missing the times we shared together. So....do I turn off the reminder we set on our phones so we'll think about each other daily, do I throw the hat and dog tags away that are still sitting on my tv from when he left them, do I give up on my plans to visit sometime this year???? Not sure yet. Part of me wants to and part of me thinks that then I'm giving up on our friendship and I truly don't think he has yet, so why should I? For the moment I'm just going to give him & her the space they need and let God figure out what's best for me.